I used to serve under Lord Berghamin. It was he, who made me his squire and then a Knight. He didn't spare expenses for my education, especially when it comes to swordfight, and plate armor, when i became a Knight eventually. It was my dream, to become like him. Mighty warrior in full plate.
Years passed as I was fighting vikings and pirates riding our castle relentlessly, my sword becomes more lethal as I learned weak points of my adversaries. I was like a rock standing at the entrance: "None shall pass" was my favourite cry. Foes feared me and tremble for merely a reminiscence of the posture of mine. Hard and stable, standing in entrance with his powerful zweihander. Lots of booty were stolen, but I and my shooting gay - friends bravely protected that what was left. We were the vanguard of my beloved Lord and never failed them.
It was cold, october morning. I wake up on the stairs leading to the great hall, where our booty chests lies, behind the almighty always-opened gate. A quiet hiss of lightened barrel wake me from the nap. I reacted fast, getting up from the crouch to full stance in a glimp of an eye, ready to fight pirate scum. Seconds passed, increasing a tension. Three, two, one BOOM! the keg unleashed the hell, pirates started to pour into doorway valiantly, but stopped under the...hey...what the hell, am I getting older? My sword seems to be so heavy, i barely can raise it. Damn, and yet so fast! I rememberd my Lord's voice - "Never give up, my son" he was saying to me from the chasm, "even if circumstances seems to be somewhat strange, remember that God and Glory are looking after You!". And with HAZAAH on my mouth i fighted bravely. Enemies kept on comming, my sword, though it got heavy and clumsy, such as my shield, slashed them leaving them bleeding. I assume God and miss Glory wanted to put me to test, but also wanted me not to lose my faith as my sword seems to be sharpen than yesterday. And I came victorious. Last of them were running away bleeding. Two chests were stolen, but rest remained untouched. It was time for me to rest and ask some Mighty Chicken to heal my wounds.
I put my sword on the shoulder, still being vigilant. They could attack at any moment. Then, some strange voice. What was that, someone wanted to rape me? It sounded like some drunkard wanted to f*ck half of the world, i didn't recognized single words. Open-eyed, I came out of the castle, looking for Mighty Chicken, i was bleeding, but i knew anyone i meet would have a hard time with me. But i was wrong.
He standed on the far end of the alley, behind the bridge, on the rock, looking at me apparently, putting some long stick to his eye, just as he was aiming it at me. "heh - i thought - some lost german woodsman must have gone nuts apparently". I wanted to came to him and say hello, as a gentelman to gentelman, but i didnt manage to make next step as i saw a huge cloud of smoke gone from the stick with strange crack-like sound.
Last thing i remember was the Holy Tab-List with names on that. I also knew the man that shoot me, he was really dinahish gentelman, always running away. Now, he got a weapon that require no skills. Was it You, God, or You, Glory, that gave it to him?
As my mind faded i noticed my gay friends getting owned with his no-skill flintcock shooting with amazing speed and accuracy.
And now, when I am above, next to halls of valhalla, i see my friends being unable to bring back my Lord's chests from pirates island, cause noone can escape the range of that horrific - no skill weapon, that makes smoke-screen everytime it shoots, and hiding the shooter before our gaychers eyes. Noone can take back the chests, cause God, or Lady Glory, made them returning back when thrown, much faster, so putting it down and defending makes no more sense.
I think I'll stay up here, with my Lord. Maybe I'll be back, when God (or Glory) summons him to live and defend his chests.